Pelham Novel Night is a curious social gathering where humans mostly stand around on carefully maintained grass, holding drinks they don't particularly want, talking to people they don't particularly like, about subjects they don't particularly care about. However, the Guide notes with some interest that a particular party being held this Saturday at 1030 Clay Avenue, scheduled to commence at precisely 18:00 hours local time, represents a statistical anomaly in this otherwise dreary tradition.
For reasons that remain unclear to the Guide's editors (who, it should be noted, have never been invited to a Novel Night party and are therefore somewhat bitter about the whole affair), this particular gathering has been designated as a celebration of the Guide itself, which marks the first recorded instance of Earth humans demonstrating any sort of good taste whatsoever.
SUSTENANCE: A buffet-style dinner will be provided, which the Guide defines as "a feeding arrangement where humans queue politely to put food on small circular platforms, then attempt to eat while standing and simultaneously holding a beverage, resulting in a success rate of approximately 63%." Beer and wine will flow freely, though not as freely as the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, about which the less said the better for legal reasons. (The Guide's lawyers wish to note that any beverage served on Earth claiming to be a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster is, by definition, not one, as Earth lacks six of the eight required ingredients. The seventh ingredient is illegal in most solar systems. The eighth doesn't exist yet.)
ENTERTAINMENT: A DJ will provide what Earth humans quaintly call "dance music from across the cosmos," though the Guide points out that actual cosmic dance music would cause immediate liquefaction of the human nervous system. Song requests may be submitted via the clearly marked button below, though the Guide cannot guarantee the DJ will honor requests for Vogon death hymns or the mating songs of the Lesser Spotted Megabladder. Recreational activities will include "yard games" provided by something called Upstate Jamboree, which the Guide's researchers believe to be a minor deity worshipped in the northern territories of New York State.
TRANSPORTATION PROTOCOLS: At the conclusion of primary festivities, specially marked bracelets will be distributed for access to secondary celebrations at a location designated "NYAC". The Guide has been unable to determine what NYAC stands for, though top theories include "New Youth Anxiety Complex," "North Yarglbian Arithmetic Center," and "Nine Yaks And Counting." Your hosts will provide inter-party transportation via a locally sourced conveyance that -- for reasons only a human could explain -- will be painted in a ghastly shade of yellow. A trolley service, which the Guide describes as "a primitive ground-based transport system that moves slightly faster than walking but significantly slower than teleportation," will operate from from the NYAC starting at 22:30, stopping at six locations that presumably mean something to local inhabitants but sound like randomly generated passwords to everyone else.
PRACTICAL ADVICE: The Guide recommends arriving neither fashionably late nor eagerly early, but at that precise moment when the hosts have just begun to worry no one will show up but hasn't yet opened the good wine. This moment occurs at approximately 18:09:42. Under no circumstances should guests attempt to explain the actual plot of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to other attendees, as this has been proven to cause temporal paradoxes and really awkward silences.
While not attending (see lack of invitation), The Guide rates this party 6.5 out of 10. With points deducted for occurring on a planet that's scheduled for imminent demolition to make way for a hyperspace bypass, but points added for the presence of mysteriously shaped ice formations that the Guide is contractually obligated not to describe in detail.
Remember: DON'T PANIC, and always know where your towel is.
